Life Advice Enthusiast Pillows

"Feel free to take notes."

"Could you all please just listen to my sermon instead of asking me what I would do?"

Reach for the Star.

'In general, do the right thing.'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

Life is about the chase, not the ball. Now go get it!

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

A Bug's Life Advice

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

Be prepared - Don't jump to confusion.

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"I'll give you some advice. When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut."

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

Months ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Here is an actual reader letter: Dear Sadie, I think you should laugh, love, and go with the flow - and do that with gusto! Don't sweat the small stuff. Kiss all the girls. Boys or whichever you prefer, but remember to laugh. - Bob. Pervert! If we allow laughing, then we'll have to allow cackling. Maybe even guffawing. I refuse to go down

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."