Life Advice Enthusiast Gifts

"Feel free to take notes."

"Could you all please just listen to my sermon instead of asking me what I would do?"

Reach for the Star.

'In general, do the right thing.'

"What's so wrong with always living in the present?"

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"A man never stands so tall, son, as when he stoops to pick up a quarter."

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

'Hmmphhhh ... High on Life. Now that's something the government ought to regulate.'

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'I'm old, bald and fat, but at least I'm not boring!'

"There's someone here who says she has a word to the wise. Do we have anyone like that?"

"Well, it's funny, Sid. Every time I've got onr foot in the grave, something interesting happens, so I pull it back out again!"

Health and Safety to Ban Marriage

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"Look at it this way - the more birthdays you have, the longer you live!"

A Bug's Life Advice

Be prepared - Don't jump to confusion.

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'False alarm! I'm back. It was only a career suicide.'

"I'll give you some advice. When you're up to your nose, keep your mouth shut."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

"Always stay rooted, or you'll turn into a tumbleweed..."

"Don't think of it as being grounded. Think of it as suffering the consequences of your monumental stupidity."

Avoid boys who spend more on hair products than you do!

'This box usually yields one or two sensible suggestions,four or five stupid ideas,ten to twenty immoral suggestions and several hundred candy wrappers.'