Lie Detector Aficionado T-Shirts

"He's lying! Just like all men! Oh God, mother was right, I'm never getting married, am I?"

'We can't go on meeting like this'.

'What's wrong? Think the walls have ears?'

Hey, I think I found something. Heavy metal detector.

"...it's another metal detector."

"He's sulking because I always beat him at Clue ... "

'We want more police on our streets!' 'WHAT?! Do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

"We need to discuss your expense account."

"I'd like you to join my professional network on LinkedIn."

'We can't determine if you're telling the truth, but you should have a doctor check your pressure.'

"Never lie to your attorney, Brad. If any lies need to be told I'll tell them."

'Do they make one of those that finds lost bones?'

"Hi Honey, I'm Holmes"

Practicing for the lie detector test...'I have only $800 in the bank. I was never in Chicago. I know nothing about the dog food business.'

'I let Facebook and My-Space do most of the leg work. I just park outside houses wearing a trilby.'

Surveillance Society

'I'm here for jumping my bond... Bail bond.'

'The first thing this joint needs is a password. It's gotta be at least 8 characters long, and contain a combination of upper-case letters, lower-case letters, and numbers. Any suggestions?'

Chimp, proficient in primate speech, outsmarts a lie detector.

'Hey you! You work here, don't you? You people could be in real trouble with the fire marshal for not having any smoke detectors! I assume they make regular inspections around here?'

"Since you developed an interest in buried treasure, the dog has gotten into it too!"

'I want to suck your toes.' - A problem for Maxwell Smart and his shoe-phone.

"You've got to hand it to Johnson...if anyone has undeclared assets he's the man to find them!"

"Ah, Mr Connery. I've been expecting you."

Another suspicious package. Probably the toaster he'd ordered - but for a few moments, he savored the suspense.

CIA. Spy. I hate to break this to you, Ernie, but you

'There you are!' (Bureau of Missing Persons)

"It's actually a device for tracking Satanic Hollywood paedophiles."

"[...] That one looks like a grade four glioblastoma multiforme!" "Brain surgeons looking at clouds"

Personnel Screening. Do you have any objection to taking a lie detector test? Is my answer part of the test?

Spy School The instructor kicked me out for failing the quiz on handling secret information. You've been declassified!

'Wait, I know. G'night Danny, don't let the bed bugs bite, Danny. We regret having to raise you to level orange, Danny...'