License Plate Maker Pillows

Things you don't want to hear on a blind date.

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Please Drove Carefully.

Where Indian ink came from.

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

'Next Please...' (Joe's Sharpening Service).

'Very good and to the point.'

'You're reordering your priorities? -- Since when do you have priorities?'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

'I've got it written down...'

Man looking at sign that reads 'Hord Wark' and says: "I can't put that up. It's too much like hard work."

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

'Maybe putting 'Sleep 20 Hours A Day' first on the list wasn't such a good idea.'

"It does clearly say 'tow-away zone'."

"Oh, no! My bucket list!"

Route 666.

Alberto Giacometti.

David Hockney

"That would've gone better if I'd gotten here with my gift list instead of my spelling list."

'You complete me.'

Can't read 'SLOW'.

Two men who work for The Federal Department of Bureaucracy look at chart 'Things to Pretend to do Today'

"Johnny is absent minded, lazy, easily distracted, loaf of bread, milk, half a pound of cheese...."

Caution wet floors. . . Caution DRY ceilings.

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

I try to stick to hunting. My wife makes me take a list when I'm gathering.

"Thanks, I'll write that down."

As soon as we invent writing, we should put up a "Danger! Tar Pit!" sign here.

'I started making a list of things to do this morning, and before I knew it, it was quitting time.'

"Hey, the last thing I want to do is annoy you. That's actually ninth on my to-do list."

My army drill instructors license plate is HUP-2-3-4.

David Hockney