License Collector Gifts

'Do you know that your pilot's license has expired?'

"It's an old photo."

"Make a lot of money."

"Nuts to you, too."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

'You shouldn't have.'

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

Hottest Tix in TownSpecial Mets promotion dates

Academics at the Beach: Professor Stints wears his patented total sun-blocking suit.

Teddy Bears Picnic - Tickets on sale here.

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

The Boss.

'I need both hands for steering.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"He's upset I'm getting 36,000 points for speeding in one night."

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

Need tickets.

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

Time traveller of the year, 3173, A.D.

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

A Tax Auditor Prescribes Treatment For A Doctor's Condition

"There are 45,000 people at the stadium but only 500 of them bought tickets...the other ones are security guards for our 250 million euro player!"

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."