License Collector T-Shirts

'Do you know that your pilot's license has expired?'

Policeman to driver; 'You gotta be kidding. Your name is actually Anna Nicole Smith?'

"It's an old photo."

"Make a lot of money."

"Nuts to you, too."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

Ticket - At the Theatre in the Hay Market - The Authors Benefit Pasquin.

'You shouldn't have.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Oh great, now I have to render unto Caesar, too.'

Teddy Bears Picnic - Tickets on sale here.

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

'Yes, our phones have WIRES attached to them! We're no free-range blabbermouths in this household!'

Academics at the Beach: Professor Stints wears his patented total sun-blocking suit.

Hottest Tix in TownSpecial Mets promotion dates

The Boss.

"About your tax refund—would you like to donate it to help pay off the national debt?"

'I need both hands for steering.'

'Syllogisms won't do you any good here, Mr Aristotle.'

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Congratulations J.L., I hear you're getting another 'really' in your title."

"He's upset I'm getting 36,000 points for speeding in one night."

"Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing!"

Need tickets.

'Right you've got 30 minutes...start squeezing.'

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"Brrr - it was so cold today I had my hands in my own pockets instead of someone elses!"

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

"'Single'? With this kind of income? Oh, have I got a dependant for you!"

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"That's not all I do. Actually I'm a psychological counselor- gymnast-motivational speaker-relaxation therapist-sex worker."

The first recorded case of overbooking: Noah having to leave the Unicorns behind.

A Tax Auditor Prescribes Treatment For A Doctor's Condition