Library Staff Gifts

Library shelf signs: 'Factual and Fiction. . .Stretching the truth and Outright lies'

She vowed to put an end to overdue books and unpaid fines. It was the right thing to do ? even used a silencer.

"Do you have any picture books that could help a child understand tort reform?"

"The book you returned on 'Improving your memory' is three weeks overdue."

'That book is still floating around the system.'

'It's another letter from the library about overdue books.'

Mobile library filling up on fuel.

Library Grand Opening

'No Purring' sign in cat library.

'No, sir, we don't have a big noise. We have a chief librarian.'

Geology

"Sorry...there's a waiting list for the library book..."

Large Print Librarian.

"Why did you tell him you're a librarian? It's embarrassing to have him give YOU money!"

"The books are due tomorrow. The library staff is being laid off."

A man crushed by a bookcase labelled Health and Safety

Union contracts

'Ordinarily we charge twenty five cents a week for overdue books, but I'm going to have to charge you a dollar for that one.'

'Oh, this was no accident.'

'Have you got the book 'The end of the world'?'

Library Computer Center: Cybrarian

Big Society, the universal sticking plaster

"Thank goodness, it was only 'light' reading..."

Library. The books on magic disappeared, the speed-reading manuals are all overdue, the geography books are in the wrong locations, and now I can't find the books on reincarnation! I know where those are -- At the "Returns" counter!

"Please keep the library clean. We don't want you to be ashamed of your shelves."

"1984 by George Orwell. Project 2025. Presidential transition project."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

Copycats

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."