Lettuce Laugher Pillows

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I don't think much to faith school dinners.'

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Jim's Mowing Services

Jury Bribes.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

Rocket Lettuce.

Bad Ant Joke

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'What's for lunch...Vegetables?'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

'Well I'll be damned, you got me on a technicality.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."

'I don't teach my students about the Bill of Rights any more -- it just makes them unruly.'

'Mine is a rags to riches story. Actually, it's more like an off-the-rack to a $20 billion family hedge fund story.'

'I dunno. Looks like some kind of milking machine but she's wearing it all wrong.'

They Say It's Too Easy To Sue, But Nothing Could Be Further From the Truth