Laptop Laugher Pillows

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

'Just a little off the top.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

Coast to coast.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

A Real Working Vacation.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Jim's Mowing Services

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

Bad Ant Joke

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

Escaping surgery.

'Both prosecution and defense must submit any unwritten laws in writing.'

"You bite me again and I'll sue."