Laptop Laugher Pillows

'I can't get this laptop to work.'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

"It's not safe to keep meeting like this."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'As a boss you'll find me hard, but fair. Actually, that's only half true.'

Decision on the flip of a coin...

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

'Just a little off the top.'

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

"I'm certain you're fine, but my attorney would like to see you naked."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

Coast to coast.

'I said, I think I know whey you're finding it lonely at the top.'

Jim's Mowing Services

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

A Real Working Vacation.

'The computer must be on the blink if it sent a questionnaire to him!'

'Litigate not, least ye be litigated against!'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

Bad Ant Joke

"We have testimony that you walk like a duck and you quack like a duck. Tell the court - are you a duck?"

"I thought you said you were watching your weight!"

'I would definitely say I'm a 'type A' personality.'

Escaping surgery.

'I drank to a lawyer's health, and now he's slapped me with a malpractice suit.'

'We're looking for a mother figure.'

'Don't tell me we live in a litigious society... I ought to sue you for saying that!'

You did what? I posted your last will and testament on all the social networks. Now everyone knows you left your feminine hygiene products to the Smithsonian. Why would you do that you @#$%^?! Ugly picture taken. Posting to Facebook … now. Well-played, cretin.

"Yes, they offer free delivery. But when an on-line seller laughs, does their belly shake like a bowl full of jelly?"