Letter Fan Gifts

Penfriend

"I've put on a few ounces, but it's mostly paperweight."

"Before texting we had to write letters by hand, and before emojis we honestly just bottled up our emotions."

'Junior's writing has improved. His letters from college pleading for more money, are froceful and flawlessly written.'

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

"Who's the new guy that keeps nibbling on my neck?"

"He thinks he never makes mistakes."

The Colonel reading Clive's letters to the ladies of the regiment.

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

"I've been a postie for 20 years. . ."

Ignore that guy - He thinks he deserves attention because he's italicized. I.

"Wake up."

'Oh, I'm sorry Frank, it's just when you come home in that outfit, sometimes I lose control... so anyways, when's dinner?'

"Welcome to the Desert Writing Workshop. Today we will focus on irony."

Love by e-mail.

Actual reader mail. Dear Dr. Sadie, Bless you Doctor. I wrote you back last July and asked you if I could expand my grumpiness beyond getting up in the morning. I took your wonderful advice and now there isn't a neighbor, fellow employee or friend that's not fed up with me. You have given me a new existence and once I get out of this lousy jail I'll let the rest of the world know just how annoying I am. I owe it all to you, Sadie. If you ever need a testimonial, call me. Signed, An ol' stick in

Actually, I really admire him. He pushes the envelope!

'Of course I just retweet everything I see - I'm a parrot.'

I love Fountain Pens

A postal worker opens a bag of air mail.

"I've been sent to rub you out pal..."

Why Elephants Never Forget.

"I just had a communications nightmare! I dreamt that the postal workers were on strike, the internet was down and someone had eaten the carrier pigeons!"

'Oh. I thought it was just a typo on their sign.'

"Hmm - a letter through the door - Do not bend. Then how am I supposed to pick it up?"

A Misdelivered Letter

A dog sits at her typwriter

'It's THEM!'

Customer to postal worker: 'How about the wounded letter office?'

'It's so sweet that he wrote me a letter, and I think here in paragraph eight he's asking me out.'

Must be old-timers – You don't see cursive anymore.

Rowland Hill's Postal Reform - 1840

Mission to Mars. Astronaut Candidate Interviews. You think you'd be a good morale officer? The voyage to Mars and back is 100 million miles. I turn "miles" into "smiles"!

'I'ld like to return my Junk Male.'

"I really miss letters."