Lethargy Enthusiast Gifts

"You know... if we don't find some ambition we could find ourselves still just laying around years from now." "Sounds good to me!"

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

Get crazy once in a while

"Doesn't seem like 6 hours on the couch, but you can't argue with a lethargy tracker."

'What has twelve legs and barks?'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

This side is the gag reel.

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

'We recommend that you get a ring of equal weight for the other hand to prevent improper alignment of your spine.'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

"It appears that you'll definitely outlive your usefulness."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

Magic Tricks

'This marriage is turning into a complete farce.'

Inkwell Genie.

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"It's good news, Mrs Fenton - Your laughter is no longer infectious!"

My secret of living to 103? I stay active throwing out junk mail and alert dueling with telephone sales people!

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

King and Jester

Jim Carrey,

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil clowns is that good clowns do nothing."

"I'd better get going. I've got a lot coming at me right now."

'You're getting older... it's a common complaint.'

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

"I got a banana peel to slip on. What did you get?"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"You taught me to laugh again!"