Legislative Assistant Pillows

Sen. Krupt. If they think watching sausage and laws being made is bad, they should see us tackle pork legislation!

Tax Code Committee. I think we could be a lot more objective about closing loopholes if our salaries were tax-exempt!

"As a practical joke, someone put that road sign in front of Congress."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

In basket-case.

We Tenatively Oppose War on Strictly Procedural Grounds

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Good Luck!

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"....how many kids have we got now?"

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

Not much money, glory, or praise

InIn by-products.

In - Out - Pending.

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.