Legislative Assistant Gifts

"As a practical joke, someone put that road sign in front of Congress."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

In basket-case.

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

Good Luck!

Shake it all about sign on desk

'Answer these constituents letters. Tell them to go to hell in a nice way.'

"That's a Hula Hoop. I asked you to find a loophole."

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"I plan to read the constitution this weekend. Is it long?"

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

"....how many kids have we got now?"

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

"Do you have an appointment?"

Not much money, glory, or praise

A clerk asking for time off to get married.

InIn by-products.

Catalogue of little books.

"Of course, when I say we the people I mean I the people."

'My hot-shot assistant was named as one of the top 10 to watch."

CONGRESS, 'No, no, you don't HAVE to fool all of the people all of the time - you just need to CONFUSE them!'

European Union: Entering a prohibitive tax zone.

'Thank God it's Friday', thought the watercooler.

In - Out - Pending.