Congressional Aide Pillows

'And this one for handling tough questions from congress...'

Secret Service Phone Data... Scheduled to Delete...

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

The president's men

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

Think tanks.

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

Worthless B*****ds

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

Half a house is better than none.

'Don't give up hope, Senator- We've worked out a plan to decrease your name recognition.'

'This year there's a bi-partisan effort in Congress to keep things as partisan as possible.'

"Some of it is soft and some of it is hard, but the main thing is that all of it is money."

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

The Election Strategy

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

StRATegist: Dominic Cummings

'He's trying to fine-tune the economy again.'