Congressional Aides Pillows

'You shouldn't feel guilty about it, Fred - your Congressman isn't really representing you.'

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

The president's men

"Based on the feedback from advisers whom I haven't beheaded, all of my ideas are great."

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

SAGE mentality

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

Rock and a Hard Place

'What's the difference? Some people call it privatizing government. Others call it super pacs buying congressmen.'

'This 'infrastructure' stuff you keep talking about -- does it have anything to do with vegetables?'

The Republican's Plan One: No Obama!

'Confusing, dangerous times call for confusing, dangerous leadership!'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

"Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended..."

"I prefer to keep my op-ed article anonymous. I'm Trump's conscience."

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

'If you have to ask, you can't afford it.'

"Our intelligence shows that everybody loves us."

Worthless B*****ds

Half a house is better than none.

"Our rule of thumb is: 'Keep it complicated' - so no one will understand how we choose a candidate."

'This year there's a bi-partisan effort in Congress to keep things as partisan as possible.'

"He's only been president a few months. Just give hima little time."

"What kind of politician would I be if I didn't politicize this crisis?"

"Some of it is soft and some of it is hard, but the main thing is that all of it is money."

'Taking bribes is understandable, Senator, but you really shouldn't keep billing records.'

The Election Strategy

Voting in the UK

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

'I wouldn't put much faith into Senator Bludgeon's promise to immediately begin investigating the competition. After all, it takes 30 days just to make instant coffee in the Senate.'

StRATegist: Dominic Cummings

'He's trying to fine-tune the economy again.'