Congressional Staff Pillows

"Nebraska's congressional delegation hard at work..."

Trump's State of the Union Address Reaches Across the Aisle to Skeptical Democrats

Eric Cantor, Republican, Fiscal Conservative, Sociopath

Rock and a Hard Place

'Does that thing belong to you...?!'

Next Shutdown

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

Multi-tasking.

'These are job perks.'

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

'Say, our stress control seminar worked! Our sales are way down...but so what if they are.'

'The ultimate sign of success is when no one puts you on hold.'

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

Stressed employee says to colleague: 'I think I'm on top of the situation and I hope I'm in the loop, but I can't seem to get ahead of the curve.'

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

Though Mr. Frackman had yet to say a word, Bill sensed he was about to receive a particularly lousy performance review.

Busy office.

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'Normally, I would give credit where credit is due but we're in a credit crunch. Therefore, I will take all the credit for your hard work on this project.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

The role of administration.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Brainstorm in progress.

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Brains...brains...brains...'

'It was at this point that the executive group began its hatha flow retreats.'

We're transferring you to company headquarters so you can kiss company hindquarters.

Academic Jeopardy - "The great unknowns and cosmic uncertainties of the universe are reduced by this number daily."

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'Look Jefferson, much as I respect your emphasis of the informal approach...'

Sales.