Legal Warning Gifts

Uh

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

Worry tank

"Bailiff."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"They're class action figures."

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'Watch it...I'm carrying a concealed weapon...my lawyer.'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"I'm working as fast as I can, Mr. Sims. There are only so many billable hours in a day, you know."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

Geekasaurus.

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

Attorney and killer bee.

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"First, admit no harm."

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'Remember, there's nothing to fear, except fear itself and costly litigation.'

Lawyers Ridin' The Range: 'Happy trials to you, until we meet again!'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Attorney Punching Bag

"Give it all you got is the motto of my wife's divorce attorney."

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

Night Court