Legal Proceedings Lover Gifts

I'd like this man declared a hostile witness, your honor. I'm sorry, counselor, but legally, I can't do that as long as he continues to smile at you.

Trial by Media

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"So, just to be clear: the 'voices inside your head' told you to launder the money from forfeited law enforcement seizures in exchange for federal tax breaks for your Uncle Mark in Costa Rica?"

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"#notguilty."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

"Another slander suit!"

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Sue The Bastards

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'It's a treasure map.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'