Legal Aware Pillows

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'I appreciate how you feel, but I'm afraid your report card isn't grounds for defamation of character.

"Bailiff."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"They're class action figures."

'Snap, crackle, help! I'm lactose intolerant!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."

'Slap me and I'll see you in court.'

"You can lie to the prosecutor but don't ever lie to your co-conspirators."

Attorney and killer bee.

'Well yes, we lost, but you asked me if I was a Legal Eagle, not if I was a good lawyer...'

"I wish I had done more pro bono work. I need the tax write offs."

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Attorney Punching Bag

Night Court

People crossing the street while texting use white canes.

'For those with particularly ungrateful children,the inheritance tax can be a comfort.'

"And should you retain us, Mr. Hodal, you'll find that we're more than just a law firm."

'Twenty years? -- is there anything I can do for extra credit?'

"I bill four hundred dollars an hour and I don't believe you'd be comfortable paying anything less."

'Regretfully your honour- I had too much to drink at our Christmas party and have forgotten my briefs.'

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'My client will give up the castle, as long as it is not an admission of defeat.'

"Cautious and considerate? Door on the left, one mask each. Selfish and ignorant? Door on the right, do as you please."

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'