Lectures Gifts

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"First, I want to give you an overview of what I will tell you over and over again during the entire presentation."

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

'Dang, I forgot my notes!'

Man giving a talk but only a dog is listening.

Nervous man about to make a presentation.

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'I wonder if they KNOW about each other?'

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

Henderson will now bumble his way through yet another boring lecture...

"Instead of taking notes, can I just purchase a transcript of today's lesson?"

"For legal reasons, the names of doctors, nurses, diseases, treatments, and medicines have changed."

'And in conclusion...'

If you're reading this, you're missing a great lecture!

Th Pscyhology Dept. and the Economics Dept. jointly present a seminar: 'Curing consumer confidence blues.'

'I did not expect him to read the whole genome!'

'He's stuck on 'but I digress'.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

The Walking TED Talk.

'As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time...'

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

'That's it?'

'Professor Horvath's 'Intro to Existentialism' lecture was famously concise.'

'You doubtless remember my speech last year...'

I think therefore...

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'Here we see a correlation between the returns of the stock market over the past twenty years and the attendance figures for my informative lectures over the same time period.'

"Welcome to Truancy Prevention 101."

'I was giving a lecture on industrial health and safety when I tripped over a microphone cable and fell off the stage!'

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

SELF-FULFILLMENT SEMINAR: 'Stop letting people walk on you'

TONIGHT: LECTURE BY WISE MAN OF THE EAST, 'Just some retired old Geezer from New Jersey!'

The Collective Unconscious

Professor Dawkins was kindly asked not to return after his presentation on 'String Theory'.