Lecture Enthusiast Gifts

'Give me one of your lectures, Dad - I can't sleep!'

Professor Dawkins was kindly asked not to return after his presentation on 'String Theory'.

"And if you want to wait, Daddy will make yummy desert when he gets home."

I stick with the celebrity instructors. If I heard of them, I sign up with them.

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'Just don't schedule so many lectures in one day, Professor, and the eye glaze should go away.'

Mentioning 'Sex'

"It's nice that everyone can see but I think we're going a little too far with instant replay."

"I know. You're confused. It's about now he usually says 'but I digress'...."

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

Eternal Student.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

"There's something weird about Emily. She actually likes school!"

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Make a lot of money."

Scarcity

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

'So what are you studying, young man?'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."