University Lectures Gifts

'...And now a word from our sponsors...'

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"E=MC² Energy=Milk·Coffee²"

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'But I digress...'

Eternal Student.

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

He may have a PH.D in elementary particle physics, but he's having an awful lot of trouble with the application form.

"Make a lot of money."

Scarcity

'...And here we have the 'Laugher Curve.''

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'He was only reaching for his powerpoint presentation pointer.'

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

Kardiff.

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

The theory that ‘Time is Relative' came to the professor during a Decelerated Math Class.

"Always with the String Theory."