Leasing Agent Gifts

Auto leasing

'Office amenities' dangled by 'Leasing agents'

'I'd like to lease with an option to pulverize.'

'I'm sure that one wasn't there last week.'

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

What say we rough it today and go without ice in our drinks!

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sales chart is buildings in background.

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'To close the deal, I had to make some minor concessions.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

Lift buttons read: East Side/West Side/All Around the Town.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'