Leak Detective Gifts

'Probably left here my the decorators, as I was saying, the roof is watertight.'

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Leak Soup. No, it's not a misspelling. The roof dripped into the casserole.

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'I'm afraid there is no Book of Loophole.'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Unsafe Drain Covers!

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

"Time! Ladies and gentlemen please, for yet another probe into the brewing industry"

"O.K., so I shrank. But you must admit I am brighter."

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"I thought you meant we had a security leak."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

This sucker was pretty clogged. Found lots and lots of wool. Yes sir, yes sir - looks like about 3 bags full.

"There's that squeak again."

Fire at the Bisto Factory

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar."

"Move along, people, there's nothing to see here."

"Is this your first time with an undercover cop?"

'Really, Frank... The late news is so depressing - and it's the same thing every night... Why do you even turn it on?'

'You're close to becoming the indispensable man, Grisnill---You keep finding loopholes'

'No, you're the plumber, you go and check how bad the leak is.'

'After I found out he was a cop, he just stopped calling. Too bad. I thought this time it might lead to something - other than an arrest.'

The Ocean's Plug

Wife Surveillance

"Stay focused, man. We're on a search for Big Foot."

Rudy, it's come to my attention you've spilled 348 gallons of coffee and tea. What? I did not! I'm talking over the course of the last 16 years. Don't bother denying it, every time you've spilled a drop, Gunther measured it. Gunther? Who's Gunther? That's what I named him. He came here on a low-skilled work visa. He's been working under the floorboards ever since it expired. Very bad man.

"He's like Tiger Woods before his comeback."

Passenger on a train blaming a clerical man for smoking

"Officers McWit and Fenton, didn't the chief tell you this was a plain clothes operation?"

A plain clothes fairy

'As I see it, we have three options: be part of the problem, part of the cover up, or part of the wikileakers.'

Washington Do's and Don'ts - Some things shouldn't be said while people are dining.

"I protected a source."