Leadership Conference Gifts

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

Leaders should always on the lookout for opportunities.

"Looks like we found the issue."

'If I had to use one word to describe our strategy.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It has come to my attention that we need to hedge against our five-year plan.'

How leaders fail

Business meeting, CEO is dressed strangely as he asks: 'Any questions?'

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need to reset our fiscal compass to the changing business horizon."

Inclusive speech

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"What was I thinking?!"

"Nervous about this morning's presentation?"

"Is it just a scary coincidence that the words 'changes' and 'unknown' both have 7 letters?"

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

A business that thinks alike...sinks alike.

Networking

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"I love these off-site business meetings."

"C'mon people! All for me and me for me!"

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

'Unaccustomed as I am to public speaking...'

The Decline of Europe

"Still believe leaders are born not developed?"

"I know we're not lions, but let's call ourselves a pride anyway."

"We serve danishes because that's just how I roll!"

'Leadership training.'

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

The Card Flinger

"Since I am chairman, it behooves me to go first. 'What I Did Over My Summer Vacation,' by Wilson Rupert Hewes."