Lazy Morning Appreciator Gifts

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

Police Feline Unit

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Lazy Octopus

American Idle.

Cat and mouse

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

Catatonic

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

"Better start moving towards shelter: the weather forecast is for rain this afternoon..."

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

'Can you mow the lawn? The kids can't find their trampoline.'

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"Would you get me a beer from the refrigerator? Just grab one of the cans on the top shelf. Come on, I do so much for you—all these years, the walks, the food, the chases... Come on! Never mind."

'The great thing about sloth is you can't be blackmailed for it.'

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

'I've never known a dog who gets tired so quickly.'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'Ah, business as usual.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

How the goat got square eyes.

"Do you want to order in or wither and die?"

Dribbling and snoring - proof that men can multi-task.

"Why don't I clang some utensils, make 3 grilled cheese sandwiches and we call it an early night?"

'I told him we're becoming an endangered species. He just laughed.'

"This is the way I like it - I pretend to be asleep and he doesn't bother me."

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

Inactive wear store.

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"