Lazy Husband Observer Pillows

'No wife of mine is going to cook on her Birthday - Let's just have a salad.'

"I AM at my usual position."

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"Fetch me another Sculpin IPA."

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'My husband likes to have everything handy during TV commercials.'

Sleep. The magazine for people who are asleep.

"I kicked the idea of mowing the lawn into the long grass."

"Ed's not really into binge watching...he just can't find the remote."

'It took months of training but now she'd rather sip a martini than fetch a ball.'

The Sedentary Dead.

"Doc, I think I'm suffering from insomnia...every ten minutes the boss bursts into my office and wakes me up!"

Do it yourself - Get someone else to do it

'Ideally, I'd like a job where my multi-application cell phone will do all the work.'

"I just got home. Let me roost a bit."

'OK, my dinner's in the oven. Where's the oven?'

Hardware - "Where do you keep the elbow grease?"

'I set the alarm to 96 years!'

"Believing life begins at 40, Dave decided to take it easy for the first 39."

New Season on the TV / New Season on the sofa

'Its part of our new range of inactive wear.'

"Dear Diary, finished reading the novel, got a bit of weeding done, had 'The Big Conversation' with the wife… HA! Just kidding. Slept."

"Hunting and gathering is too much work. Let's invent credit cards so we can charge people interest!"

"The very thought of exercise does that to him. I guess that's why it's called cross training."

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

When Anteaters Get Lazy

Whoa. I just had a near-life experience.

Bird avoids flying by sitting on the wing of a plane

Deadly Radon

"It beats me why you were so adamant we buy a tandem."

'I feel so... lethargic. Well, I would be if I could be bothered.'

Man has a can of tuna in his fish bowl.

'I don't like vegetables, so when I grow up, can I be a couch donut?'

'I'm downloading an exercise manual.'