Lawn Maestro Gifts

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

The first sign of spring is landscapers driving by and laughing at my unkempt lawn.

'I think I've found your gerbil...'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"First time pruning?"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

"Can you cut the grass but leave the daisies?"

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

Three different categories of lawnmower.

Hair Traffic control.

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'George! This way quick!'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

Woman throwing giant pot.

Painting

The Scottish Lawn

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

"Who's a good boy?!!"

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

When Cows Discovered Mowers

God builds the first lawn mower.