Lawn Maestro T-Shirts

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

The first sign of spring is landscapers driving by and laughing at my unkempt lawn.

'I think I've found your gerbil...'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"First time pruning?"

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'Congratulations! Our yard's been declared a national wilderness area!'

"Can you cut the grass but leave the daisies?"

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

Three different categories of lawnmower.

Hair Traffic control.

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'George! This way quick!'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Setting out the bedding plants was one of his few remaining pleasures,

Woman throwing giant pot.

Painting

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

The Scottish Lawn

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Mower Repair

"Who's a good boy?!!"

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

God builds the first lawn mower.

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and