Lawn Laugher Gifts

Bad Ant Joke

Jim's Mowing Services

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

Beginning Yarder.

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

Police Lineup Escape

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"I can't go on. All the weeding, mowing, digging, pesticides, and gopher holes really hurts you know. It's just not worth it anymore."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"Humans grow it everywhere and spend lots of time mowing it short, then, they don't even eat it..."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Desert Island in the midst of a lawn dotted with 'Keep of the Grass' signs.

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

Ted tests the limits of his new mulching mower.

Coast to coast.

'Dinner will be ready in an hour -- Why don't you relax by mowing the lawn?'

Seasonal Migration of the Mowers

Garden Tools Product Development. It does a great job of dispersing fertilizer and seeds, but let's not call it a "superspreader."

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

Jury Bribes.

'Look - there's the first swallow of summer.'

"I've never seen Baldo so excited about mowing the lawn."