Lawn Laugher Gifts

Bad Ant Joke

Jim's Mowing Services

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Beginning Yarder.

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

"Eureka!!" "Guess again, Einstein."

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

Police Lineup Escape

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

"I can't go on. All the weeding, mowing, digging, pesticides, and gopher holes really hurts you know. It's just not worth it anymore."

'Be sure to bring home your divots so you can patch the bare spots in our lawn.'

"It doesn't mean you, Hickford!"

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

'Never go berry pickin' on an empty stomach.'

Desert Island in the midst of a lawn dotted with 'Keep of the Grass' signs.

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"

"You've been around here longer than I have. What are 'congressional ethics'?"

"Humans grow it everywhere and spend lots of time mowing it short, then, they don't even eat it..."

"Listen, if this takes much longer I'll be late for work and I'll be a dead man!"

Coast to coast.

Seasonal Migration of the Mowers

'Dinner will be ready in an hour -- Why don't you relax by mowing the lawn?'

Two hoses, one labeled 'H2' and the other '0'.

'But we've got laws on the books now that we can't enforce!'

'Look - there's the first swallow of summer.'

"I've never seen Baldo so excited about mowing the lawn."

Jury Bribes.

The Gingerbread Man's cousin, the hash cookie man.