Lawful Improviser Gifts

"Very well done, Samuels. But next time, don't forget your handcuffs."

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

Jazz is Invented

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I made a Valentine's Day card for you. The school has no art supplies so I wrote the color in.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

The Augie Twins write music strictly for their own amusement.

'I'm a loaf of bread.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"And I'm telling YOU it looks exactly like the picture. See?"

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

Jacques Loussier.

The Tax Loophole

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'I was an attorney but that fizzled out. Apparently I couldn't distinguish between legal and illegal.'

'I couldn't find real fruit for your still life painting, so we'll just use these fruit roll-ups.'

"Police believe the gunman acted alone. True. My client's an actor and believed he was auditioning for a part."

'I know we've got to save money, dear, but can't you use the phone like other people?'

'Go and tell the man with the Eric Dolphy CD down his trousers that's not what we mean by free jazz.'

"I know the organ is broken, but I was kind of hoping you knew how to play the guitar."

Mom sings song to child but gets the lyrics wrong.

'Your account is overdue so the doctor is sending you to a specialist...our collection agency.'

'Yeah. I had to use the leaf blower.'

'You're a lawyer? Well, are ;you here on vacation or just here for the refresher course?'

'So -- do you always walk right into judges' courtrooms without wiping your feet?'

'Your honor, we the jury have looked really hard out the window all day and would like to go home.'

The real crime here is the way my client has been hounded by the vice squad for years. I know I've been victimized by them and I'm sure you have too, your honor. ! !

"The cops were on to him"

"Your first perp walk, Your Honor?"