Law Satire Lover Gifts

The reason why the cows left their home planet.

Trial by Media

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Antonin Scalia

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

The annual running of the lawyers.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'Littering, Your Honor.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Corporate Lawyers

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'