Law Satire Lover Pillows

The reason why the cows left their home planet.

Trial by Media

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I got 397 dead birds and the mayor breathing down my neck. So, is this our perp or just another copycat?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'He started it!'

Antonin Scalia

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

The annual running of the lawyers.

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'Littering, Your Honor.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Corporate Lawyers

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"