Law Firm Gifts

'We do everything here in-house.'

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Campaign for Plain English

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'You think I'm crazy; I think you're crazy...finally some common ground!'

"Just give me your wallet. Trust me, you do not want to deal with my misplaced sense of entitlement."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

'We subpoenaed all of 'Mr. Big's' electronic messages. They're in morse code.'

Changing Minds

Wal-Mart Ruling

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Have your parents sign this waiver concerning violations of personal space. . . then you guys can play tag."

This Is What Moral Corruption Looks Like

'Lateral hires are always told we do things differently here.'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"My parents are going to pay for my education but I'm on my own for any attorney's fees."

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

'You have the contract drafted by the lawyer. This is his bill for it.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Paralegal eagle.

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

Atty.-Gen. Sessions reveals new law enforcement strategies to deal with opioid epidemic.

"It says here an increasing number of Brits blog and tweet in Afrikaans. Why?"

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

I am billing, therefore I am.

"It just happens...one day you wake up and you find that your best billable hours are behind you."