Laughing Laureate T-Shirts

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

POP goes the weasel, Collin, not ka-boom splat.

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

Caveman sees comment section below cave drawings,

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

Edith does ceramics strictly for her own amusement.

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

Tragedy and Material

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

"Mildred, who haven't I fired yet?

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"

'Sir, making mistakes is a craft, but making things up the way we do is art.'

Learn to Laugh at Yourself

'Here's your new diet.' - 'A stick of celery?' - 'Lick it once at breakfast, once at lunchtime.' - 'And then eat it for dinner, right?' - 'Not until Week 6' - 'Gah.'

Alan Carr

Cold-calls.

I also scheduled a pickup after we finish toiling in the fields. Amish Uber.

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

LOLpalooza

'Better ease up on the goodnatured barbs...'

Cartoonist Thinking Whilst His Pencil Snoozes.

Rob Brydon

"My science project blew up on the way home!"

Caution Dulcimer

Dermatology Lab. Employee Evaluations Today. What a great evaluation! They said they're going to name a rash after me!

I lost my job as a political satirist because reality is funnier than I ever could be.

"Your condition is extremely serious Mr. Butkiss. You should try laughing more often!"

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

"Oh, that wasn't me talking. It was the alcohol talking."