Laughing Realist T-Shirts

Cold-calls.

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

Edith does ceramics strictly for her own amusement.

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

House of Wishful Thinking

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

No crawling sign in the desert.

"So ... taking that nap during my performance review was a very bad idea."

'I thought working for a congresswoman would be different than working for congressmen.'

'Sure I had the world on a string, sittin' on a rainbow, but my finger turned blue and my hemorrhoids were killing me!'

I intended to be a bum, but family connections and inherited wealth got in the way.

'Sir, making mistakes is a craft, but making things up the way we do is art.'

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

'Sorry about the economy, but I never was very good at story problems.'

Give up.

Eight nights of excuses

Fortunately there was an interpreter for those who understood sign language.

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. A recession sounds like fun."

One day he hoped to be clean and sober. But for now, clean would do.

'Do you believe in a parallel universe?' 'I'm COUNTING on a parallel universe.'

"Your condition is extremely serious Mr. Butkiss. You should try laughing more often!"