Lighthearted Realist T-Shirts

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"I don't know what all the fuss is about. A recession sounds like fun."

Meet me safely distanced under the mistletoe.

"At least some good has come out of all this."

PSA Banter.

At the 2021 Religious Games

"The eggnog fountain is a bad idea."

Sperm Whale.

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"POOPIN'! It's the Butt Signal!"

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

"His face may be in the gutter, but his bum's looking up at the stars."

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

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"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'I see you've been chasing parked cars again. Wanna talk about it?'

'I had multiple personalities.'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

'Good news, folks - no attack today!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Rural Cityscape

"Oh, I don't mind being called 'Reaper', it's the 'Grim' part that gets me...my name is actually Darryl and I'm a pretty happy guy!"

The Invention of the Tea Light

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

Success Without Effort

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

If there are eclipses of the sun and eclipses of the moon, how come there are never any eclipses of the earth? Can we continue this tomorrow? It's getting dark.

'Take it for stress. It helps to laugh at yourself.'

"When people talk about a 'staycation' this isn't what they mean!"

I don't let my conscience be my guide, I consider it more of a wingman.

I think you've eaten enough fireflies, Ed.

A credit to his species...

'When you get closed down I'd be willing to take any dirty books off your hands.'