Playful Realist T-Shirts

'It's very realistic, Katie. It comes equipped with plenty of redtape!'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

"Apparently, when the tide came in, a lot of castles went bust."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'Hard to follow...'

'Let the record show that I suggested primordial souffl'ee.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

'There goes another one. Galileo, don't you have any idea what makes them do that?'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Toys from the Pre School of Hard Knocks - Stumbling Blocks.

'Goodbye, dear. This is the kind of day that makes you feel glad to be alive.'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'How did he make the world in six days?'

"Just how many ways are there to skin a cat?"

"Well, hello there yourself!"

"All right, Thompson. The board concedes that this quarter's economic growth does look very much like a kitty.

A dog and a robot dog

Cat Love Ads: "Are you; 'Stubborn, lazy, unfaithful and psychopathic...with no sense of humour?""

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

The Meaning of Life

'Since you're a teacher, we picked this one from the Tree of Knowledge.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"First destination: the recycling center to get rid of these cans."

The little engine who could, but decided not to- 'Ah, the heck with it!'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"I guess when you run out of Tooth Fairy teeth, you gotta go get a job!"

The Birth of Philosophical Thought Experiments.

That's where we're different. I see the toilet bows half-full, and you see the toilet bowl half-empty.

"That was good, but less tongue next time."

'I bet he can run twice as fast as you can.' 'But he has twice as many legs!'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'When I was ready to read, they taught me to tie my shoes - when I was ready to tie my shoes, they taught me to read.'

No crawling sign in the desert.