Laughaholic Pillows

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'Once again you have exceeded my expectations.'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'What have I told you about laughing on purpose, Mother?'

Shouting

The laugh track refuses to work, but I can't see the problem."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Life is better with a laugh track and graphics.

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'