Laugh Masters Gifts

Joker in jail

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"That'll be five bucks."

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"So, is there any other funny business to attend to?"

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

King and Jester

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

Medical Cabinet

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

(Singing) 'Doctor, what's wrong with me?' 'Staff in-fec-tion.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'Always the wise guy.'