Laugh Masters Gifts

Joker in jail

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"That'll be five bucks."

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

'I didn't tell you to 'be quite Frank'. I said,'be quiet, Frank'!'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

King and Jester

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Custard pie ejects from book - 'How to be a clown'

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

Medical Cabinet

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'Always the wise guy.'

'I don't understand. Why do you want to have your arms extended?'

"'Ere, mate - you look like a right muppett..!"

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."