Laugh Lords Gifts

Matthew Perry.

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"So, is there any other funny business to attend to?"

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Pie chart of pub conversations

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

Hip Operation

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

Amy Schumer

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Laugh break

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

Marty Feldman

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

"Open mike night"