Laugh Lords T-Shirts

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

'A man has to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink!'

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

'It has to breathe for exactly 22 minutes; then I can pour you a glass - right after the sacrifice.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"I think you may have your gown on back to front."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Pie chart of pub conversations

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"You were ho-ho-hoing in your sleep again!"

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

Hip Operation

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

"Open mike night"

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

Laugh break

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.