Laugh Commander T-Shirts

"Warning: The following programme may contain intelligent, humorous, factual entertainment..."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Beware of Falling Notice.

Man see a sign on door of Clayton's Jokes & Gags Shopee - 'Please Use Second Door To The Right'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

When clowns are hunting.

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

King and Jester

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

Medical Cabinet

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

If you're looking for a good time, you'll find it; if you can't find it, it will find you....

A great new year (for cartoonists).

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'Finally, a job that makes other people happy from laughing at you and you love it.'

'I'm a bit suspicious of that Trojan Clothes horse.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'