Laugh-loving Linguists Pillows

'When we talk, I have to take a lot for grunted.'

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

A Copy Editor and His Dog

"Sorry I'm late. I overslept." "Is that even a real word?"

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'When we all get together, we sure are vulgar.'

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

Artichoking victim

"We don't have knock-knock jokes on Christmas."

Heart To Heart

"I think I've eaten something that hasn't agreed with me."

Cowboy in Old West boasts of having shot a guy for ending a sentence in a preposition.

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"Pansexual"

'Try hitting him harder.' 'Is that all you have to say?' 'Try hitting him harder, PLEASE.'

"What?"

"It's okay. That's just adult-speak for hot dogs."

'Turner don't use that expression 'Pie int he sky' its sounds ridiculous and don't point!'

"Open mike night"

"Fred, no one is going to bother you here. Put away the Bare Spray."