Laugh-inducing Gag Gift Pillows

"Until the plaster sets, try not to laugh."

'No swimming. No breathing.'

'Colin's dying to show you how his renewable energy scheme works.'

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'It's a farton, fartoff lamp!'

Little girl hoses down walkway as Santa slips and falls

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

"He won't eat anything but corn."

Good Dentist ~ Bad Dentist

Lavatory Waterfall

"Captain, we've taken on strippers."

'Hey, mac, is this your idea of glasnost?'

Pirate captain: 'I'm so embarrassed! I walked around all day with my swash unbuckled!'

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

Joke Shop product - Not Funny After 10 Sept 87

Undertaker with 'light', 'done', and 'RIP' settings on his toaster.

"A valiant effort, Mike, but just accept that you're going bald."

'I haven't had the urge for a cigarette for two days. How's the patch working for you?'

Egypt 1896. Dr Howard Prendergast and Percy Smythe discover the tomb of King Ahktuman the Practical Joker, proving conclusively that the ancient Egyptians were the first culture to use whoopee cushion.

'...and don't think I didn't see that flying tackle.'

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

"Yikes! Okay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see this."

'Congratulations - you're the first victim of recombinant DNA.'

"My body is a temple... unfortunately it's in ruins"

'Admit it you need glasses, that is my false eyelash you have just sprayed.'

The Fart Side

Wise man scaring baby Jesus.

"Here he comes! Don't move."

'He stubbed-my-toe yell sounds a lot like his chest-pounding victory yell.'