Latin Teacher Gifts

'What? This is still a dead language, right?'

'I learned how to say 'sod the poor' in Latin.'

A Puppet Named Juan

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Campaign for Plain English

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

School Cafeteria. It's the start of the school year. The Geometry teacher will come by to verify that we're serving truly square meals. The grammar teacher says the alphabet soup is runny and needs some punctuation added. History teachers keep a record of all the past meals and so will notice any leftovers being served. And the computer lab staff expressed concern about all the cookies so the astronomy teacher suggested switching to candy for dessert. I'll bet she thinks Starburst and Milk

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"There's only one 'L' in colosseum."

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

"Let's fall in love and live in the subjunctive."

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

'Now, what's Italian for pizza?'

Mea Maxima Cuppa

Harv's general clumsiness with prepositions comes back to haunt him.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"Today I came across antiderenuclearizationalityness."

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

Humanities 101. I hear you're reading Greek plays in there. Yeah, it's a real Medea blitz!

The First Sentence Fragment: 'Hey, don't -'

'Do you always have to shout? Well? Do you? Huh?'

'Diver caught scallops - is that a description of what happened or a compound adjective'

'Ever since we invented the past tense, she brings the past up all the time!'

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

"Carpe pizza"

"To hear the ocean in English, press one. Para Espanol ..."

"If you want to sing in our band, you'll have to overcome your fear of using double negatives."

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'It feels like I'm very much in a good place these days. That is, aside from the grammar.'