Language Instructor Gifts

'Yes, a winky face is correct... But in ancient times, the semicolon was actually used to separate archaic written devices known as 'complete sentences.''

"I have tried telling you several times, my name is Ken and I am from Glasgow."

Berlitz Guide to Dentalese.

A teacher introduces the new student to the class - he's an alien - 'Good evening class, this is Zork and he will be joining us until he learns enough English to conquer the Earth...'

Communikations Semminar.

New Curriculum Timetable - All in Cantonese.

Cliche Workshop, "Who wants to get the ball rolling?"

"Why study Latin? I guess so we'll know what Super Bowl game we're watching."

"I'm pretty sure it's not against your religion to conjugate a verb."

'What's the problem? Look, it's easy to learn foreign languages!'

The French lesson takes an expected turn.

Everything starts with "e" and ends in "g".

OK, I admit it...I don't know Spanish! Help me out! What should I tell my boss?"

'Cosa vuol significare 'Spaghetti Western'?'

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"He spent all morning trying to teach me my own name."

We Do Not Say 'Yeah'.

British School of Prompting - AAAARRRGH.

"Why not split English into three? You teach old, I'll teach new and he can teach tchtxt."

Chinese kids are much smarter than we are! They just score well on tests. They're grinds. We're creative! We learn to express ourselves! West Fester High School. We'd better learn to express ourselves in Chinese!

Ernie, where have you been lately? At a Shakespeare class! Check this out! "Shall I compare thee to a summer's whey?" "To brie or not to brie, that is the question." "There would this muenster make a man." "The feta part of valor is discretion." Ernie, this course seems a bit cheesey. I thought it was gouda! Get me to a creamery!

Grammar. Tenses: Present Past Future. No, this only applies to verbs. A deceased fly is not a "flew."

"Get Well" Cards. I need a "Get Well" card for my old english teacher. Do you have one that cajoles in the indicative rather than commands in the imperative?

A Puppet Named Juan

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Campaign for Plain English

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

Smith Academy. A Tradition of Excellense.

Desert $2.75. See? -- It wasn't a typo.

'She speaks 6 languages and can't say 'No' in any of them. . .'

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.