Language Arts Teacher Gifts

A Puppet Named Juan

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

"He just found that 'pillage' rhymes with 'village'."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Campaign for Plain English

"You've got a long, long road ahead of you, young man."

Paul Klee

The Artist

Nathaniel Hawthorne

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

'I'm in my Blue period.'

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey -- it's part of the aging process.'

Punctuation Police

'It's my homage to Picasso.' (Snowman is all mixed up with eyes and nose in odd places)

"I don't think I can express what I have to say in just colored paper and glue."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

Instructional guide to scribbling

Children's artwork exhibition.

"I would like a tube of lemon yellow, cadmium red, cobalt blue, ivory, black, and zinc white, a sixteen-by-twenty canvas, a couple of brushes, and that book 'Painting in Oils'."

"In the beginning, God created, like, 300 concept sketches..."

Van Gogh was starting to run out of gift ideas.

'Hi, Miss Henderson, we did collage in class today. Can you drive me home?'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

"I'm afraid you were drawn too big and not centered on the page."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

Shakespeare was bisexual

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

Freind: 'Misspelled, anything helps.'