Late Night Bluff Pillows

"When I said I was 'all-in', I meant I was going to bed... and I'm not saying that just because I lost the hand."

In basket-case.

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Backfire

"Bloody hell!"

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"Is there a vegan option?"

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Beware of the frog"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

DUNVOTIN

Cat Hecklers

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Europe and immigration.

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

Local News in Heaven

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'

Castro's successful invasion of miami beach.