Late Night Bluff Pillows

"When I said I was 'all-in', I meant I was going to bed... and I'm not saying that just because I lost the hand."

In basket-case.

"They grow up so fast."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

Backfire

For speedy operation and ease of control get a pony.

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

"Bloody hell!"

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

Our Two Parties, Explained

Getting to Know You

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

"Is there a vegan option?"

"Beware of the frog"

DUNVOTIN

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

'This fish isn't tank broken - I want a refund!'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Yes... but is he a good watch dog?'

"Britain's Got Talent is now in its tenth astonishingly brilliant year!"

Cat Hecklers

"Come on, we've thought of 492 names surely we can get one more"

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

A man walks his dog wearing a cone.

Europe and immigration.

The perfect choice for president?... Stephen Colbert!

Local News in Heaven

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

'Mixed news from the federal reserve...interest rates will drop on savings but will go up on loans.'