Last Wishes Planner Gifts

"I want my remains to be scattered around the golf course. Also, I don't want to be cremated."

Santa Claus's Mail

The end of summer is near and you still haven't made plans

"What are you doing? It's Halloween. Not leaving your deliveries to the last minute this year?"

Bad gifts

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

North Pole twinned with Amazon

"Death coach..."

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

'The holidays are about to be thrust upon us, Edgar, are you prepared?'

"As your CPA, I would recommend you count the number of eggs before you hide them."

"Hope you don't mind—it was his last request."

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'One day, after they unfreeze my DNA, this will all be mine again.'

"Get me my gun. I want to squeeze off a few last rounds."

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

'And finally, I would like to be buried with an elephant bone...Just to confuse future archaeologists.'

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

"The holiday season always puts me in the mood to plan a tropical vacation."

'I want an iron clad will that won't allow them to get a dime until I'm cremated and ashes are sprinkled on wall street.'

"No, you can't go out like that. Just because the world is ending is no reason to dress like a heathen."